


It can't always be the same.

by alienrice



Category: Produce 101 (TV), UP10TION, X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-02 00:44:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20453135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alienrice/pseuds/alienrice
Summary: Wooseok wants to help Jinhyuk. He really does. But it's ruining his life. Then Seungyoun came, giving him hope that maybe his life won't be ruined after all.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well that was a pretty shitty summary, I'm sorry, i suck at those. But here, wrote this on a two hours flght. I had mixed feelings while writing this, because this, unfortunately, happened to a close friend of mine. But she's pretty cool about me writing this. Although all of these is fictional, if you, or someone you know is also going through a tough time and know that they needed help, please seek help or help them seek help. 
> 
> I just thought i needed to say that. 
> 
> May contain Trigger Warning. Feel free to go back :)
> 
> Aaaaand this unedited because i have another 13hrs of flight to go through, but im just gonna post this. And i may need to add more tags later.

After holding it in for over a year, Wooseok finally decided to confront his boyfriend about it. He couldn't handle it. He couldn't handle being the only one hurt out of the relationship anymore. He's fed up at how he's being treated and ignored, so he decided to break up with him, his one-year boyfriend, Jinhyuk.  
  
"Let's--"  
  
"Wooseok-ah" Jinhyuk cuts him off, Wooseok pursed his lips while staring at the man sitting in front of him._ He knows._. he thought. He waited, and waited for Jinhyuk to continue, he doesn't care anymore who would be the first one to bring it up. He just want an out.  
  
"I can't do this anymore--" Jinyuk continued. Wooseok almost sigh in relief, thinking about how he wasn't the only one thinking about a breakup.  
  
"I know--" Wooseok tries to ease to what's coming.  
  
"I'm thinking of quitting school." Jinhyuk stared down on his lap. Being speechless was an understatement to describe Wooseok. He was shocked, he felt like throwing up. He didn't know what to say or what to do.  
  
"I'm tired.. i feel depressed. I feel like studying isn't for me." Jihyuk continues, and Wooseok's heart fell at each line.  
  
"Jinhyuk..." He called, worries in his voice. "I'll be here for you. Whatever decision you choose to make, I'll root for you, but quitting school? Quitting music? I dont think that's right. I know you, this too, will pass." Wooseok counters. He just hope he doesn't sound shaky, because he can actually felt his lips tremble..  
  
"I want to die, Wooseok." Jinhyuk says, the words came out like it was something so natural to say, and Wooseok really feels like throwing up the cake they just had.  
  
"L-let's go see a doctor, Jinhyuk-ah." He almost stutters, he didn't want to be the one that breaks down there. Jinhyuk responded with a smile, that seem to weak for someone so bright and cheerful like Jinhyuk.  
  
"Please don't leave me Seokie..." Jinhyuk finally says under his breath. And Wooseok had wished he didn't had heard that.  
  
Because how could he? he wanted an out from the relationship but he couldn't possibly leave the person he once loved, destroying himself in front of him. So he stayed.  
  
Atleast until he recovers, until he didn't have those thoughts anymore.  
  
He stayed.  
  
  
But weeks turned to months,  
  
  
and then it became a year.  
  
  
Another year.  
  
  
_I can't do this anymore,_ Wooseok thought to himself, a year after that day. He was a wreck. He felt guilty, the thought of him wanting to leave had become a daily debate in his mind. And Jinhyuk.  
  
_But Jinhyuk..._  
  
Jinhyuk always skip his sessions and treatments with his doctor. He says they don't help him at all and that they're just doing it for his money. Wooseok had to dragged him to the hospital and even waited for his session to end. And it become alot harder when he almost didn't pass his second year, because he had skipped some of his classes to help Jinhyuk.  
  
It was bad, the situation he was in. And Jinhyuk's roommate, Seungwoo, felt bad for him after seeing him coming to their dorm the check on Jinhyuk everyday. Seungwoo helps with what he can, but Wooseok couldn't possibly asked him for more. But the talk he had with Seungwoo just now is making him feel all sorts of feelings. Most of them are anxiousness.  
  
"You are ruining your life for him Wooseok." Seungwoo said, as soon as they sat down at one of the table at a cafe they decided to meet.  
  
"Hyung, I'm not--"  
  
"Listen, hear me out first." Seungwoo cuts him off, "I know, you loved him, i know you did. I used to see that. But that was a year ago. This, this whole thing you have with him now, is not love. You don't owe him anything to be helping him like this. To even disregard your studies for him. Sure, okay, he's mentally unstable. He needs help. God, he needs all the help the world could offer. But this is not healthy. He doesn't want to help himself Wooseok. At this point, this is not your responsibility anymore. Call his family. You can't keep it a secret from them anymore, because at the end of the day, you are just a stranger Wooseok. The hospital won't even notify you first if anything ever happens to him." Seungwoo stopped as he sipped on his drink, it's his signal for Wooseok to reply him now.  
  
"But Hyung, he clearly tells me that he didn't want his family to know. He didn't want them to worry. He doesn't want to break their hearts." Wooseok says, staring back at Seungwoo.  
  
"So, he decided to break your heart instead? He decided that you, a person he says he loved too, to take the responsibility of worrying for him? That's idiotic Wooseok. That's a concrete plan for you to ruin your own life." Seungwoo retorts. And Wooseok's heart stings. It felt like he was punched straight on his face by reality. Though deep down, he knows, he knows how an absolute idiot he was for staying, for obeying all of Jinhyuk's requests, and he knows,  
  
That this wasn't love, or even guilt and pity anymore. This is just him, surrendering to life's way of destruction.  
  
So here he was, left alone at the table because Seungwoo had a class to go to. He stared down at his own cup of coffee that he hasn't even once touched. Wooseok doesn't intend to drink it, as It's probably cold now anyway. When he thought he had spent long enough time thinking about Seungwoo's words, he shoved all of his things inside his bag. He even thought of buying some cake to bring it to Jinhyuk, because he remembered how the latter used to love the cake that was sold there. Just when he was about to get up, a person suddenly sits in front of him.  
  
"Hi-- uh, okay I'm not a creep. My friend over there--" the person points at a corner with his lips, and Wooseok almost chuckled at how the person looked cute with his mouth protruding like that. "...just dared me to say hi to you. It's just a game, so help me out here okay? Just three minutes. So, Hi, I'm Cho Seungyoun. And you are?" The person continues asking.  
  
"I'm late for class. I have to go" Wooseok lies, he really just didn't want to be involved in whatever games the person and his friend was playing.  
  
"Okay, well hello 'late for class'. I'm Seungyoun, aaaaaand I'm studying at S University, Music Major, 23 years old." Seungyoun smiled, and it made Wooseok chuckled. Wooseok swears if only he didn't see that smile, he wouldn't stay. It was too fluttering for his heart for him to get up from his seat.  
  
"You finally laughed--" Seungyoun grins but it turned sour when he saw the tears that left Wooseok's eyes and seeing how red they were. "Are you oka--- shit you're crying. I'm so sorry oh my god, Fuck. Was the joke that bad? Did I made you cry--" Seungyoun panicked.  
  
"Ah-" Wooseok says, wiping the tears on his cheeks that was flowing non stop. He didn't realize that he was tearing up too. He also doesn't remember the last time he shed tears this much, or the last time he laughed at something either. And now he's doing both, at the same time, in front of a stranger who is now frantically panicking.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry. It's not you. God, this is so embarassing" he tried to laugh, but his tears still wouldn't stop. "I'm just really having a hard time right now. I'm so sorry you had to see me ugly crying right here." Wooseok continues, cupping his cheeks. "Fuck, please just go. It's okay. I think your three minutes is up too. " But he was menting at the back of his head _please don't go, or I'll look pathetic_  
  
And when looks up, Seungyoun was still there sitting in front of him. He stayed, almost as if he could read Wooseok's mind. So he looks down again, ashamed that he wasn't supposed to feel glad that the person didn't leave.  
  
When Wooseok had finally calmed down, and he feels like he could talk again without breaking into a fit of cries, he looks up to finally read the person's reaction. He thought the person would look uncomfortable, but the only thing that was on the person's face was genuine worry.  
  
"I'm sorry." Wooseok says. He doesn't know what else to say.  
  
"Don't be. I get it. I know I'm just a mere stranger. And I shouldn't say this--"  
  
"Just say it." Wooseok demands almost sounded cold.  
  
"It's as if you've been holding that one in for a long time."  
  
And Wooseok felt numb all suddenly, if what Seungwoo had just said to him before this was a punch at his face, then this one was a straight jab, to his heart. Multiple times.  
  
And they just stayed quiet there for awhile. Only clinks of glasses and flowing of water can be heard from the kitchen in the cafe.  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dont know about this update, but I'm trying. I wish words can just magically form themselves without me stressing about it.

An hour passed, and they were still sitting at the cafe in silence. Seungyoun's friend, who introduces himself as Yohan, politely tells Seungyoun that he needs to go to his next class now, he even managed to say to Wooseok "I'm sorry, it was just a game.. anything that happens after this is all Seungyoun-hyung's fault okay?" jokingly, and Seungyoun glared at his friend and just told him to go. But it actually made Wooseok laughed, and that made Seungyoun felt relieved as it shows on his face.  
  
"I'm sorry. You can go--" Wooseok speaks but got cuts off even before he finishes.  
  
"I won't. I had already decided to stay until i confirm myself that you are okay." Seungyoun replied, leaning closer to the table, Wooseok can smell him, his scent reminded him of spring, and it made him feel warmth like how the sun was out bright, in the first day of spring. It felt as though winter was over, that his own little winter was over.  
  
"You don't even know me" Wooseok reasons.  
  
"Well we just met an hour ago? There's alot of time to change that. And you don't know me too. So we're even." Seungyoun finally smiled, and Wooseok can feel his heart thumps faster as every corner of Seungyoun's face lits up.  
  
"That doesn't make sense" Wooseok retorts, an eyebrow raised. _They are strangers..._ He thought.  
  
"Exactly. Nothing make sense in this planet. But I also can't leave someone who just had a breakdown, alone, in a cafe full of people. And moreover, i might also be the cause of that breakdown and so I'm staying, it's a responsibility I'm willing to take and I'm trying to be a decent man you see, I've been decent all this while so I can't possibly taint my reputation now can I--" Seungyoun rambles.  
  
"It's Wooseok" Wooseok stops him. Laughing again   
at how ridiculous this whole situation was.  
  
"Thankyou for stopping me there, I don't really have any speech prepared after that point. So, Wooseok. Huh. That's a nice name."  
  
"It sounds exactly like any other name. I think your name's nicer." Wooseok responds.  
  
"True. But there's only one you, and one of me." Seungyoun says and that made Wooseok cringed at him. Before Seungyoun could say anything more Wooseok looks at him in the eye, just to see his reaction and says,  
  
"I hate to break this to you, you seem like a nice guy. But I have a boyfriend. And I don't think you have friendship in mind when you said hi to me. So I'm telling you, it's okay. You are decent. I'm really thankful. I'm sorry you had to cross paths with me today at the worst possible time. But thankyou Seungyoun-ssi." Wooseok remained seated and waited for the person in front of him to stand up and leave.

But he didn't.  
  
"Like I said. You don't know me either." Seungyoun replied, all to casual for it be a bluff.

* * *

  
  
  
They finally got out of the cafe a while after when the shop felt too crowded and noisy for them to talk. They were walking side by side, not really having a destination in mind but Wooseok felt at ease. He doesn't know if Seungyoun's presence was making him feel at ease or he was just finally losing his mind.  
  
"So I think I told you where I studied, my major and my age. Don't you think I should get the same type of info from you?" Seungyoun speaks, almost too friendly.  
  
"I don't think so--" Wooseok smiles when he sees the pout on Seungyoun's lips, "I go to K university, majoring in Performing arts and we are the same age."  
  
"Oof let's drop formalities then. " Seungyoun suggested.  
  
"Why? We won't be seeing eachother again." Wooseok replies, and it sure made Seungyoun's heart drop a little but he didn't want to give up.  
  
"That's mean. Thought we could atleast get coffee together again. I mean considering we had shared so much pleasant times together." Wooseok huffed and rolled his eyes, as a joke at least.  
  
"So you don't want to talk about it?" Seungyoun finally asked, Wooseok had walk a bit faster than him. Wooseok didn't look back when he was asked that question, he just continued walking, to who knows where, they hadn't really planned on going anywhere but Wooseok's feet just kept going and Seungyoun decides to just follow without questioning him about it.  
  
"Talk about me being pathetic? Na-ah. I think it already shows" Wooseok replied referring to the ugly crying he did back in the cafe, making Seungyoun laugh.  
  
"Ok for real, i mean, if you need any help, I know a doctor--" Seungyoun says and that made Wooseok stops.  
  
"Do i look like someone that needs help?" Wooseok questions.  
  
"Everyone needs help. They are either too egoistic or scared to get one. But that's the thing, sometimes you don't get to choose. Sometimes, no one's going to be giving you a hand when you desperately need one so that's why, take it when someone offers you help." Seungyoun smiles softly at Wooseok and continued walking leaving the speechless Wooseok behind.  
  
"But what if i don't want any?" He heard Wooseok asked.  
  
"This is not a matter of want. It's a matter of need." When Seungyoun didn't hear a reply, he turned to his back again, "so where are we going?" He asked, but Wooseok just stared at him blankly.  
  
"We're here" Wooseok says finally.  
  
Seungyoun turns around and sees that they were actually kind of infront of a university's dorm building. "Is this your dorm?" He asked.  
  
"No"_ it's Jinhyuk's_.  
  
He doesn't know why his feet got him here, he doesn't even know what he's doing here when Jinhyuk doesn't have any classes or appointment today. He stared at Seungyoun, he didn't know what to say or how to explain to why they had walked there.  
  
"Ah--" Seungyoun seems to realize something. He chuckles before he smiled at Wooseok, "It's your boyfriend's? ....That's understandable" he ruffles his own hair, he suddenly feels embarassed, "though, I can't believe you brought me here.... but anyways, I'm glad you're okay now. I guess it was nice knowing you Wooseok-ssi." He adds. Emphasising on the formality.  
  
"No, I wasn't--" Wooseok stops, _he wasn't what?_ He didn't know. But Seungyoun smiled softly at him before he says "I always go to the cafe we were in just now after classes. You can always find me there if you want someone to talk to."   
  
Seungyoun then left, he had walked across the street leaving Wooseok alone in front of the dorm's gate. Wooseok just stood there silently before he turn around to head in the dormitory and drop by to check on Jinhyuk. Just when he was about to take his second step, he looked up to see Jinhyuk was there all along, watching him.  
  
"Who was that?" Jihyuk asked, and Wooseok felt a slight burn in his throat.   
  
"A f-friend." He stuttered, not really knowing why but he may have felt a little bit intimidated by the look Jinhyuk was giving him.  
  
"Don't meet him ever again" Jinhyuk says suddenly.   
  
"Huh?"   
  
"Don't go see him again Wooseok" and Wooseok gulps. _Why is he--_  
  
"And why did Seungwoo dm you saying he was sorry?" Jinhyuk walks closer to where Wooseok was. Now Wooseok was very confused by that question.  
  
"What do you mean?"   
  
"Seungwoo dm-ed you on twtter." Wooseok then fetched his phone from his pocket, and when he opened the app, the message had already been opened. 

  
"How did you kno-- Jinhyuk. Why do you have my account on your phone?" Wooseok faces his boyfriend, looking directly at his eyes.  
  
"I figured out your password." He answered looking back at Wooseok.  
  
"Why?"   
  
"Because you always seem to like to be on the app. And I can't help but think--"  
  
"For how long?" Wooseok sternly asked. He thought this was way out of line. He hadn't been checking it alot because he only uses it to chat with Seungwoo. He didn't have Seungwoo's number because Jinhyuk never gave him saying he wouldn't need it. But now that he sees this.... it make sense. To why sometimes all his chats were opened even before he saw them and how sometimes he sees the posts he likes or bookmarked were gone.  
  
"Just around six months ago-- there were always so many guys dm-ing you through it! I was trying to help you! And make them stay away--" Jinhyuk defended, but Wooseok turned away, he thought he was having none of it today. He wanted to be left alone for now. This is just too much for him to handle.   
  
"Seok-ah, y-you said you won't leave me...." Jinhyuk pleads, his voice sounded like he was about to cry and Wooseok halted his steps, he resented those words now, it broke his heart that Jinhyuk was using that against him.  


Because how could he?   
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try updating regularly, but uni has been really tiring that my brain doesnt function well for me to write lmao but anyways thankyou for reading this :)

**Author's Note:**

> \- I wont actually tell until what point of this fic is actually true, because I wrote it like how I would have wanted it go down. How i would have wanted someone to say all these things to my friend when it happened. Because i couldn't, I wasn't physically and mentally able.  
\- but she's fine now. And that's all you need to know because i can't give spoilers heee  
\- any comments and kudos are appreciated!💖


End file.
